One of the themes that the Church traditionally addresses during the season of Lent is reconciliation. Reconciliation is a process whereby humans work out differences and faithfully get on with their lives. Usually, there has been offense or harm caused by one or both parties to the other. Contrition, confession, forgiveness, repentance and reparation are all part of the process of reconciliation. It’s a lot of work.

Reconciliation begins with contrition.  The Collect for Ash Wednesday (and used on other occasions in Lent) states, Almighty and everlasting God, you hate nothing that you have made, and forgive the sins of all those who are penitent: create and make in us new and contrite hearts that we, worthily lamenting our sins and acknowledging our wretchedness, may receive from you, the God of all mercy, perfect remission and forgiveness; through Jesus Christ your Son our Lord. At its essence, contrition is a deep sorrow and regret for a broken relationship as well as a heart-felt desire for the relationship to be made whole once again. Contrition is one more gift of the Spirit, and that is why it is something for which we may pray.

Once the desire for a healed relationship is present, sins are confessed both to God and to the offended party. True confession takes real humility as one must come to terms with the fact that there are things that we have done or left undone that truly hurt others. Confession is a blow to the ego. It is a recognition that we’re just not good enough without God to pull off a faithful life.  While confession to God for sins committed is necessary for reconciliation, often confession to the offended party is also essential.

Forgiveness is a tricky one. When one chooses to forgive, one is saying to one’s own soul, “I refuse to allow what somebody has done to me to hold me in chains.” Forgiveness has nothing at all to do with whether the offending party is sorry or whether either person wants the relationship to be healed. It is a deal with one’s own soul.  While there can be forgiveness without reconciliation, there cannot be reconciliation without forgiveness.

Repentance is the commitment and action of changing one’s behavior so that one doesn’t offend anymore.  Again, this is really hard work.  So often, our behaviors are rooted in bad habits that have developed over time. Repentance is about adopting and maturing into a new set of habits that are beneficial to our relationships with other people and with God. Relationships will not be reconciled for long if the same habits which severed the relationships are repeated.

Finally, there is the step of reparation. Reparation consists of concrete actions that the offender takes to make things right with the one offended. Reparation can take many forms, and of course, in many instances, true reparation is impossible. At least a desire and effort at reparation, however, is most often necessary for true reconciliation to ensue.

Listen, it’s not easy. True reconciliation is a heart-wrenching, soul-stretching affair. It is much, much more than simply saying you’re sorry. Forgive and forget is a catchy phrase, but rarely does it work. The hard work of reconciliation, however, is absolutely worth every ounce of effort. Without learning how to be reconciled with God and with other folks, we cannot become the people God dreams us to become. Without reconciliation, we cannot live the abundant lives God yearns for us to live.

~Father Art