There have been extended periods over the course of the last several years when I have felt disoriented.  Not physically disoriented so much as psychologically, emotionally, even spiritually.  It is the same sort of feeling that I have had when lost in a large city.  Amidst all the noise and commotion, I have found it hard to think. I’ve felt frightened, discouraged, lonely, even sad. 

Perhaps, my current sense of disorientation has resulted from the political chaos in our country.  Perhaps I have felt so turned around because the natural world that I love so much is in such crisis. Maybe I’ve absorbed too much of the legitimate life angst and worry from friends, family, and parishioners. Regardless of the cause, I’ve felt out of sorts, lost.  In the midst of all of this disorientation, I have found myself praying, “Who am I God?” and “Who are you?”.

I wonder if these soul-wrenching prayers of the lost are similar to those prayed by the ancient Israelites in their Babylonian exile. You see, in 587 B.C.E., the Babylonians forced many of the Jewish leaders from their home in Jerusalem into exile. This was such a blow, and the ancient Israelites were forced to reevaluate many of their beliefs about who their God was and what faithfulness to this God looked like. Eventually, the Jewish people were allowed to return to their homeland, and they did so with renewed commitment and a more evolved understanding of their identity as God’s people.

As challenging as this current period of time is, it affords us the opportunity to take stock of who we really believe God is, and by corollary, who we are as well. Is God truly a God of love, and if so, what does it mean for us, as God’s people, to reflect that love in our lives? Is it really true that God cares deeply for the poor, the marginalized, the dispossessed, the outcast, the foreigner?  If so, what does our understanding of who God cares about affect who we care about?  Is it true that God continues to work for justice and peace in the world, and if so, in what ways are we doing the same? If we have a confused notion of who God is, then our understanding of who we are will be distorted as well. 

In the Gospel of John, there’s an account of Jesus speaking to his disciples, giving them a particularly challenging set of teachings.  Upon hearing his words, the Bible says that “many of his disciples said, ‘This is a hard teaching. Who can accept it?’… From this time many of his disciples turned back and no longer followed him.” Specifically addressing the twelve apostles, Jesus asks, “You do not want to leave too, do you?” To this, Peter answers, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life.” (John 6:60-69)

Peter may have been disoriented about many things, but what he did understand was that Jesus held the key to Peter finding his way again.  Peter recommits to listening closely to the words of Jesus and to faithfully doing what Jesus asked him to do. Peter recommits to watching carefully the actions of Jesus and to imitating those same actions with his own life.

These are, indeed, challenging days for many of us. And yet, it is often when things are most difficult that we are given the best opportunity to evaluate what we really believe and whom we really choose to follow with our lives. Perhaps, these are times when we should reread the teachings of Jesus and recommit to radical lives of love.  By listening to Jesus, by repenting of ways in which our lives are not in accordance with the ways of Jesus, by committing ourselves once again to the Way of Love, and by walking that Way with humility and courage, we will return from our dark and lonely exile and find ourselves once again.

~Father Art